My Meditation Journey and What I Found Along the Way
Keep in mind that God’s first language is silence.
- Thomas Keating
I personally have practiced meditation, more or less, for over 40 years. I began with Transcendental Meditation when I was in university. Raised a Catholic, I had a Christian faith but found myself floundering emotionally after the recent death of my mother. I knew I desperately needed something, so I responded to posters throughout campus advertising Transcendental Meditation (TM). My Catholic-trained mind only felt safe to join when the teacher told me that TM was not a religion. I chuckled recently when I asked a friend and discovered that the mantra that was given to me by my Transcendental Meditation teacher - a mantra said to be chosen especially for me -was the number TWO in Sanskrit. That aside, I committed totally to this practice which became a healing gift for me. I gradually found myself to be less scattered, more peaceful and more aware of God as I knew him/her through my Christian faith.
Years later I became part of a Christian community and was introduced to the book The Way of a Pilgrim, author unknown, translated from Russian, believed to be written in the early to mid-1800’s. This appealed to me as it offered a way to pray constantly with the Jesus prayer “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner”. Following this I discovered Living the Jesus Prayer by Irma Zaleski which described a Christ-centred approach to meditation based on this repetitive prayer. I began to meditate/pray with a mantra which was a shortened version of the Jesus Prayer. Intuitively, I shortened the prayer more and more until I was simply praying the name Jesus with each breath.
Between each of these experiences as well as the births of my four children, my commitment to my meditation practice would wax and wane. I remember visiting my Jesuit spiritual director with one of my infants in arms and complaining that I didn’t have time to pray. At that point the wee one needed to eat so I covered up and put him on my breast. My wise and holy director said “How can you say you are not praying – feeding this child is prayer”. I guess those years were filled with a different approach to meditation, one of sitting quietly in absolute fatigue while nursing, pouring out sustenance and life force.
Fast forward many years, my kids were grown, and I became seriously interested in the practice of yoga as a Christian. I was introduced to Patañjali through my yoga teacher training. Patañjali, the compiler of the Yoga Sutras, is believed to have lived between the 2nd century BCE and the 4th century CE. Patañjali set forth eight component stages or an eight limbed path of classical yoga. This path begins with behavioral and ethical guidelines (yama and niyama), continues with the physical poses (āsana) and breathing practices (prāṇāyāma).This process then moves on to three mental practices; withdrawal of the senses from the outside world (pratyāhāra), focused concentration (dhāraṇā), all leading to the seventh limb which is meditation (dyāna). Patañjali’s 8th limb (samādhi) is a state of union or profound intimacy with God. For the first time I realized the intimate connection between my seemingly independent asana and meditation practices.
Next came a great blessing. I read Prayer of Heart and Body by Father Tom (Thomas Ryan), and I was overwhelmed with joy and inspiration, which grew into a sense of a deep calling. Recommitting to the meditation practice described by Father Tom, I introduced a new mantra, Maranatha - which means “Come Lord” in Aramaic, the language of Jesus.
Around 2017, I began to feel a longing for a Christian meditation community. I live in a small city in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada and all that could be found was a centering prayer group that met every Monday to meditate/sit in silence together and then practice Lectio Divina (contemplative listening and sharing) with a gospel passage. My husband, Stephen, was also interested so together we joined this group, learned the centering prayer method, and attended several silent centering prayer retreats. Last year we both became certified to lead centering prayer introductory workshops. Our marriage has been blessed through the sharing of this practice and ministry.
All of these methods and approaches to a Christ-centred meditation practice are similar, with slight variations in method, and all are good. (For a further description of the methods, see Father Tom Ryan’s blog post below.)
Over the last six years, I have experienced fruit from this renewed practice. Although I am not saintly, some joyful gifts/transformations seem to have arisen in my everyday life:
When I move onto my mat, breathe, and flow into a pose, I enjoy the blessing of unity of Spirit, mind, and body. My asana practice is fed from the deep place I have found within myself while encountering God in the silence of meditation.
When I find myself in a competitive atmosphere, and everyone seems to be trying to outspeak each other, I retreat for a few seconds to this deep place, to God within. I find myself able to listen peacefully and openly, knowing that the Spirit will cue me.
When something is going on in my life and I am overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings, and it feels like I’m on a wild merry-go-round but I cannot get off, I draw on the emerging discipline I have achieved within my centering prayer practice regarding letting go of thoughts. I can, perhaps, slow the merry-go-round.
I see my own weaknesses more clearly, but the realizations don’t overwhelm me. I am confident in that interior place full of love where I have met God in the silence.
I am noticing God everywhere, in all people and in creation. I seem to have more love and patience than before.
Following is a short review of Thomas Keating’s book Open Mind, Open Heart. Quotes from this book are interspersed.
Father Keating lays out the historical, theological, spiritual, and scriptural underpinnings of Centering Prayer.
The fundamental purpose of centering prayer and contemplative outreach is to contribute to bringing the knowledge and experience of God’s love into the general consciousness of the human family.
Centering prayer consists of consenting to the call of the Holy Spirit to consent to God’s presence and action within.
Contemplation is accessed by letting go of our own idea of ourselves, turning our will over to God, and resting in the divine Indwelling that is already present within us and waiting to reveal itself to us.
Most importantly for me, he clearly explains the method. Each chapter includes - in italics - questions and answers about centering prayer. These are real questions asked by people in his seminars, both by beginners and folks who have been practicing centering prayer for a while. His answers are practical, succinct, and sometimes even humorous.
Question: Can you say to people with whom you are travelling, “I’m going to do my meditation now?
Answer: Sure. They might be happy to have a few minutes of quiet themselves.
Question: Is it really possible for people who run around all day to be contemplatives?
Answer: You only have to be a human being to be eligible for contemplation. After all, that is what we will all be doing in heaven.
Difficulty understanding and coping with spontaneous thoughts while meditating is often a stumbling block for those practicing centering prayer. Father Keating writes in depth about how to manage thoughts kindly and gently. He offers guidelines for learning to let them go.
When you are in deep interior silence, any thought acts on you as tasty bait acts on a fish resting in the deep waters of a lake. If you bite, out you go.
Thoughts are a normal, inevitable and integral part of centering prayer. Our ordinary thoughts are like boats sitting on a river so packed together that we cannot see the river that is holding them up…When we pay no attention to that flow, space begins to appear between the boats.
The main thing to keep in mind in this prayer is that there is no effort; There is only the very gentle activity of consenting.
Father Keating died in 2018 at the age of 95. Contemplative Outreach is the network organization that supports centering prayer and they now published a 20th Anniversary Edition of Open Mind, Open Heart. The website below presents a wealth of teaching, videos and prayer supports.
It seems appropriate to close with Father Keating’s words about the transformation that can happen through this contemplative prayer practice.
Christ’s view of things becomes more important than our own. God is answering our greatest prayer which is to be transformed.
Links:
For more information on Thomas Keating.
For more information on Transcendental Meditation.
To purchase Open Mind, Open Heart from the CPY bookshop.
To purchase The Way of a Pilgrim, author unknown from the CPY bookshop.
To purchase Living the Jesus Prayer by Irma Zaleski from the CPY bookshop.
To purchase the Yoga Sutras from the CPY bookshop.
To purchase Prayer of Heart and Body by Father Tom from the CPY bookshop.
For more information on Thomas Ryan.
